Yippee, I felt like sharing. This is the first chapter of the first segment of that novel I’m working on. I’d love feedback, and if all you want to say is “Hey, I enjoyed that,” that’s fine – but I’d really love it if you commented with questions or things that confused you or things that didn’t make sense. Think of this as your chance to critique, and know that I’m grateful.
From Bright as Day:
Part One: Home for the Summer
Monday, July 4, 2011
Meredith hadn’t seen him coming. But then, she never did, not even when they’d been kids. You looked down at your ice cream pop, or your bike on the grass, or the baseball in your glove, and then when you looked up, there was Day Donovan. Mostly, you were glad to see him, never mind that he’d snuck up on you. More often, it was annoying, as it was now.
“Hi,” somebody said to Meredith’s dad, in a voice she thought was familiar but couldn’t place. The somebody was wearing khaki shorts and white sneakers, she saw out of the corner of her eye. “Can I sit with you, Mr. Harper?” And then she had it, she knew it was Day, and it had been nearly three years since she’d seen him last but she knew the sound of him.
“Don’t bother to ask me,” she murmured to herself, deliberately not looking up, and then her dad ruined everything by exclaiming with pleasure and inviting Day to sit down, of course, Day, howareya, buddy, saw your dad last week but he didn’t mention you were in town.
“Fine, thanks. Hey, Mere,” Day said, leaning around her dad to greet her before sitting down and starting a conversation with Mr. Harper about what a dismal year it was likely to be for the Royals, and how he’d be spending the summer working at Tanner’s Pharmacy, and how were Mrs. Harper and Tess? And would they be watching the Independence Day fireworks at the fairgrounds, or at the lake beach? Meredith pulled her hat down a little farther onto her head and tried not to remember how bright a green Day’s eyes were, with all that gold in them.
Day sat with them and they talked about this season’s Royals (dreadful: they couldn’t hit, they couldn’t field, and they only had one decent pitcher, so of course he’d be snatched up out of the rookie league as soon as some minor league manager got wind of him) and watched the game. Mr. Harper handed over two of their six hot dogs to Day, insisting that he take them, and Meredith watched them change hands with a strange feeling in her throat, like she couldn’t eat one now where ten minutes before, she’d been hungry for the chili-and-mustard dogs. Day leaned around and said to Meredith, smiling, “You still look like a gymnast; do you still eat like a linebacker?”
Still annoying. “Yep,” she said and turned back to the (dismal) game. Continue reading Excerpt from “Bright as Day,” Part One, Chapter One